Forgiveness and Not feeling guilty

I follow Babycenter pretty avidly on facebook to keep up on trends and get little tips here and there and even for just advice on things I have no clue about. Yesterday I came across an interesting post about the top 10 things the author (a mom) did not feel guilty about throughout her journey of motherhood. Intrigued, I clicked on the link and what I found was quite familiar. She had listed 10 things that she did as a mom that society would have her feel guilty about. As a fellow mother, there are so many rules and expectations that we are supposed to follow that half the time you end up worrying about it so much you don't do any of it or do all of it and burn yourself out. In the end, it comes down to happy mommy, happy baby and as long as you are providing for your little one, you are a superhero. I thought I would come up with my own little list of things I do not feel guilty about and those things that I felt guilty about once upon a time, that I forgive myself now for doing. We are all works in progress and no mommy is perfect but we are wonderful, amazing women who raise children. We are pretty much awesome.

10. I do not feel guilty about being a working mom. I provide for my child and my family monetarily and emotionally. I get to share all responsibilities and I am extremely proud of that.

9. I do not feel guilty about sending Elijah off to Grandmas so I can rest, go on a date with my husband, get caught up, etc. This is one of those must-haves with a baby in my opinion. I need time to be alone with Carlos. I need time to sit and do nothing. I need time to do all those things I CAN'T get done with a baby.

8. I do not feel guilty for letting Elijah play by himself. There are just times I need to sit for 10 minutes while he crawls around a safe area, plays in his walker, etc. I am not always going to sit down and read to him or interact with him while he is playing. The way I see it, this small period of time gives him a chance to be independent...and he really doesn't mind it at all.

7. I forgive myself for letting Elijah watch a little bit of TV. At first I was very paranoid at the fact maybe he would develop ADD or something from watching 10 minutes of Sesame Street in the morning. I hated that I had to do it but there were just days I had to get ready for work, that Carlos and I couldn't hold him, get ready, get him ready, and rush out the door. So we use the TV. Call it a babysitter if you want, but I no longer let myself sweat that kind of silly stuff...and we still do it :)

6. I do not feel guilty for not feeding Elijah all organic baby food. I do make Eli's baby food because I enjoy it. Is canned baby food bad? Heck no! I just like to cook and its fun to see Eli enjoy the food I prepare for him. Now, I do buy SOME organic fruits and veggies but it not necessary to buy all organic (look it up, its true :) ). When I buy canned food I do buy organic but let's be realistic, organic foods are more expensive and sometimes just not available. You do what you can and that is perfectly fine.

5. I do not feel guilty about taking Elijah to daycare. Guess what? He loves it. He really LOVES daycare. He is a social butterfly, loves everyone, doesn't have stranger anxiety, and he is building up his immune system. I love his teachers, and it is ok that they experience some of his firsts before me. In fact, the first time Eli took a little scoot/crawl was at daycare and as much as I thought I would be bothered by not experiencing it with him first, I was pleasantly not upset. I was too excited to see him in action and I was proud of his milestone.

4. I forgive myself for sometimes getting frustrated with Elijah. Sometimes he has fits that I don't understand and I can't help him. He doesn't want to be held, rocked, fed, played with, etc. Usually it is just due to him being overtired but sometimes I get frustrated and have to let him be. Do I feel like supermom at that moment? No...I feel like a tired, defeated, annoyed woman who wants 2 seconds to herself. Sometimes I am selfish. Sometimes I want to buy something for myself and not the baby. Some days I want to take care of me and have alone time. Thank God for a supportive husband because usually he lets me have it :) I do not feel guilty about not enjoying every second of motherhood. Do I love being a mom? 100%. Do I love every moment? Hell no. SOmetimes the teething or crying or lack of sleep some nights gets to me. I do not love those moments. Am I okay with not loving every moment? Yep. I understand there are ups and downs to this journey and I know you take them in strides. One day I will look back at them and smile, knowing that that is what makes the hard times precious in their own right. For now though, I will just keep a bottle of wine on hand. :)

3. I do not feel guilty about not having a strict routine with Elijah. In the beginning of Eli's life, I was so worried about having a schedule with him. It was to the point I was becoming obsessive. Finally when he started daycare, they got him on a schedule. And guess what? On the weekends, we don't follow it. He goes to bed at different times, naps at different times, and eats at different times. I am ok with this. All that means is that when we go out, he is more flexible with what we are doing. I don't have to rush home and have him in bed by 7:00. Now we do follow that same bedtime routine but the time doesn't seem to bother him much. And realistically (and I guess you don't know this until you have a baby) their schedule changes constantly whether it be from teething, sickness, growing, etc. SO what is the use of stressing about "sticking to a schedule"?

2. I forgive myself for feeding Elijah a night time bottle. Yes, it is true, I or Carlos rock Elijah to sleep with a bottle and he falls asleep in our arms. It is a selfish thing because it is our special time with him and it is nice to have him want to cuddle, especially since he is growing up so quick and cuddling isn't in an 8 month olds list of things he/she wants to do. It is something we are working on, especially since we are starting to wean him off a bottle soon. But you know what? He is a happy baby and most nights sleeps from around 7-5. So I can't complain.

1. I forgive/do not feel guilty about not breastfeeding. This is one that I had to do both: forgive and not feel guilty about. I wasn't very lucky with breastfeeding...if you read my first few blog posts you know this. I didn't produce a whole lot and then I had to supplement and Eli never truly latched on correctly. Then I went back to work and as a teacher, it is almost impossible to pump. So after 3 1/2 months I stopped breastfeeding. I felt horrible. I felt like a failure that I had to buy formula and that maybe I wouldn't have a bond with Elijah like breastfed babies do with their mommies. I cried for weeks about it until one day I realized I was being ridiculous. I was never breastfed, nor were plenty of my friends and guess what? We are all intelligent, capable people. Elijah is thriving and he has even hit a few milestones early. Society and science tell us that there are many benefits to breastfeeding and I am aware of those benefits. But you know what? It is also PERFECTLY OK for babies to drink formula. Is it awesome that moms breastfeed? Absolutely. Is it awesome that moms feed their babies formula? Absolutely. Because you know what? The baby is being fed and cared for and that is what matters. And as for the bonding thing? I whole-heartedy do not believe it makes a difference. I actually think it is a little offensive for people to make this assumption. I am bonded to my son because I grew him for 9 months. I am bonded to my son because he is half me, half my husband. I am bonded to my son because he is my child. We take care of him, nurture him, love him, and help him thrive. My bond is as strong as any other mom's (breastfed or not) with her baby. I refuse to believe it makes a difference...my son looks at me in a way that only a mother could understand and I am pretty sure he isn't going to be resentful later in life when I tell him I fed him formula :) No matter what, a baby knows his/her mother. We are their everything and no matter how we do certain things, they love us without limits.

What are some things you forgive yourself for or do not feel guilty about?