At almost 32 weeks pregnant I still feel fairly good. This pregnancy is just so different from my first. It is alot easier in ways but in others, it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I know what to expect, I know what a "true" contraction is, and I understand how huge I am going to get. But to run after Eli while trying not to make this dang hernia worse, have enough energy to be a somewhat normal person, and be a good wife...that is hard. I am currently feeling most guilty about not being the best wife I can be. Carlos has had to take on alot of mommy duties as well as manage his daddy duties. I just can't do certain things like bathe Eli or rock him to sleep because I need to rest and truthfully, it is plain uncomfortable. My back hurts to bend down and the way Eli lays on me for me to rock him is just plain awkward. Not to mention, Luke probably doesn't enjoy his older brother already pinning him down so early in life.
In understanding how much Carlos does for me and our family, I realize God blesses us with people everyday and He definitely blessed me with a man who is the most incredible husband and amazing father. I can't imagine one moment without him...he has given me such a precious gift with our two boys and he has lived everyday choosing to create memories with me. There is nothing sweeter in my life than knowing we get to go on this journey of life together...and that we get to raise our two sons together. My goal as his wife is to make sure he knows this and that I show him this as much as I can. Nothing is more important to me than my family. As a working mom, I think things get pushed to the back burner and priorities get muddled. Carlos and the two boys take precedence over anything in my life. Sometimes I have to slow down and remind myself that our marriage comes first. No matter what. It comes before work, it comes before money, it comes before our children. What a powerful thing it is to understand that a happy marriage creates a happy family. That without that foundation, things can start to fall apart. I am so incredibly, amazingly, and overwhelmingly blessed to share my life with my soulmate and partner in crime. It is unrealistic to say that I won't take moments for granted or that I won't have to remind myself many more times to put us first, but I hope that I can always realize and admit that I need to slow down. Tough truth: MARRIAGE CHANGES AFTER KIDS. You have to become more creative with your time, more patient, understanding, and willing to share your vulnerability. I have never expressed so many fears, triumphs, laughs, tears, and emotions as I have with Carlos since becoming a parent. It makes you REAL. I have realized what life is about, what matters and what doesn't. Lately, as Carlos and I take our few minutes to talk in bed before sleep, I say "Did you ever imagine we would be here 7 years ago?" And the answer is always yes. As much as our lives and our relationship has changed, we know that this is where we are supposed to be...that God's plan is much more powerful than either of us could have ever imagined. So Carlos, if you are reading this, know that I love you more than anything. That you are my saving grace and the better half of us. Our family is thriving and is happy because of what you are able to give us and the decisions you have made. Although our time is stretched between 10 million different things, you are my #1 and that has never changed.
For our last anniversary I made a slideshow of the last 6 years and it was pretty awesome if I do say so myself. I may end up making a still photo "love story" one day but for the purposes of this blog, here is a super duper (and I mean extremely) condensed version :)
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