All I am gonna say about starting a blog is: I hope I can keep up with it. And it may be therapeutic during my days at home during maternity leave. I have had alot of people ask how motherhood is going, how our lives have changed, and new things that little Elijah does (and believe me, everyday there is something new!). I thought it would be a great way to share all our new stories and adventures as a family for all our friends and family...near and far!
I think an appropriate way to start this blog off is to tell about one of the most important and memorable days of my life. July 23rd, 2011: the day our son was born. I have also had alot of people ask me about that day. People knew that I had a C-Section but were not really sure why my labor had taken that course. I won't get into too gory of details but I like to share my birth story because I know friends who have shared theirs and it offered alot of support for me. I hope maybe mine can give reassurance and support to other soon-to-be-mommies that may be nervous or anxious and that by reading it, realize that no matter what, the important thing is that your little one enters this world here safely.
On Friday, July 22nd, I had my 39 week appt with my doctor. I had been having contractions but they were not regular and because everyone says "wait for the 5-1-1 rule" I didn't really think I was in true labor. Plus, I was one of the lucky ones who felt uncomfortable but was nowhere near being in pain. At my appt. my doctor told me that I was 2 1/2 centimeters and that I was almost fully effaced. She told me I could go home but that if I was feeling any type of painful contraction, regular or not, to go to the hospital and be admitted. I was excited that I had made some progress but was not expecting to go in quite yet.
About an hour later, I started to get some intense cramping. Again, they didn't come in regular intervals but I thought maybe I should call my doctor just in case. THe office told me to go to the hospital and that we were gonna have a baby! I can't explain my excitement but also my fear! I wanted to go grocery shopping before we went so we would have food when we got back (my mother talked me out of that :) ) and I started to vent my fear through micromanaging everything before we went, like picking up the house, telling Carlos what to do, worrying about Leo and who he could go stay with. Finally, Carlos told me that we needed to go and did his best to calm me down but inside I was terrified!
By 2:30, I was lying in the labor and delivery room, being asked questions by nurses and getting hooked up to my IV. Still I was not in alot of pain so they checked me to see if I had made any more progress.I was dilated to 4 cm! Within a couple hours I had progress 1 1/2 cm but my contractions had not regulated themselves. Because of the irregularity of the contractions, they started me on the lowest dose of pitocin they could. I was nervous about induction medication because of the horror stories I have heard about it making your contractions 10x worse, but honestly it wasn't too bad. THey did start to become more regular and intense but I stayed strong, breathed through my contractions and tried to just focus on the end result. My nurses were AMAZING and being able to talk to them was such a great relief! They made all the difference in my delivery and I will never forget how helpful and caring they were!
At the 20 minute mark, the contractions were HORRIBLE and one right after another. I was in alot of pain and just wanted the dang epidural to just start kicking in! Well, in my case, the epidural was not working. They called the doctor back and he gave me another dose of the medication in my epidural catheter. He said if that did not work then they would do a spinal. At this point I was just praying it would work! The nurse wanted to check me and I had progressed to 7 1/2 cm!!! Now my birth plan was simple: I wanted drugs and I didn't care how early I got them. Obviously my "plan" was already falling apart. I went through 7 1/2cm of labor pains with a non-working epidural. Finally, after another 20 minutes, I was feeling much better...the medication had worked! I was still having some sharp hip pain but I didn't care...it was better than what I had been feeling.
Soon I was relaxing and it was just Carlos and I and the nurse in the room. We kicked the family out so I could rest before the big show! This is where it gets really fun. The doctor who administered the epidural came in. He asked how I was and I told him much better but there was some hip pain. His response? "Ok. Well this should help. I didn't put it in your catheter last time." UMMM WHAT?!?! It was apparently the other very important part of a WORKING epidural. I just stared at him and I am sure I was shooting daggers. THe nurse was just as appalled as I was. He put it in and left immediately. We didn't see him again. I wonder why.
Soon I was told that they wanted to insert an internal monitor because my contractions were decreasing in intensity and whenever they tried to increase the pitocin, Eli's heartbeat would occasionally drop. The internal monitor basically told us that my contractions were decreasing in intensity but somehow I was still progressing fairly rapidly. I was 10 cm and ready to push soon after.
Now, I am not going to go into all the details here but I will explain the basic gist of what happened. Elijah was still sitting sideways slightly, despite our best efforts of trying to move him by laying on my side for the last few hours. It wasn't too drastic and sometimes by pushing, the baby will rotate itself...so that was the plan of action. I started pushing and it was INTENSE! 2 1/2 hours of active pushing go by when my doctor came in and checked me. Baby's head was still sideways, making it hard for him to get under my pubic bone to be born. You could see the swollen top of his head but that was about as far as he would come. The other issue was that every time I would push, his heart rate went down (which is normal) but it would take awhile to come back up. The doctor and nurses did not like that at all. Third problem was that they decided my body was just too narrow to push a baby out. Finally, my doctor told me that it was time for an emergency C-Section. After all day and all night of labor and other setbacks, it had come down to a slew of nurses and doctors rushing around getting dressed, telling me to drink some awful medicine, getting Carlos prepped, and trying to console me as I sobbed because I was so tired and so disappointed. After all that work and having a set plan, my delivery was not going AT ALL like I wanted.
They took me into the O.R. and had Carlos wait outside which is standard procedure. I was terrified of undergoing major surgery and all I wanted was my husband to be by my side. Remember how I bragged about my nurses? Well this is where they deserve ALOT of credit. They all were trying to comfort me and take my mind off everything while people rushed around me and talked in hurried voices. They wanted to get Eli out ASAP because of his heart rate and because he had been in the birth canal for so long. The fun doesn't stop here either :) I was given medicine in my epidural to numb me completely so they could start surgery. Yet again, I could not get numb enough. Basically they poke you with a sharp SOMETHING (not sure what) and ask if you can feel it. If you can, they give you more medicine. Well there was one little area that I could feel the doctor poking even after all the meds they had administered. In my head I thought " Oh my Gosh...I am going to be cut open and I am going to feel EVERYTHING!!!" Finally my doctor told me that they needed to start and that Carlos couldn't come in because if I felt her cutting, they would have to knock me out completely. WHAT?!?!? Well that is when the panic attack set in. My heart rate rocketed and I had to be put under. I vaguely remember pressure and the feeling of them pulling Eli out. I did not see him over the curtain. I did not have my husband next to me. Carlos did not see him or cut his umbilical cord. I woke up to them wiping him off and weighing him and to Carlos coming over to me and checking on me. But then....the nurses brought over our baby. OUR BABY. Our perfect, beautiful, angelic, 7 lb 7 oz, 22 inch miracle. I was the first to hold him and to talk to him. ALthough I was still very out of it, I hold onto that moment and will never forget it. It was his and I's moment and nothing or any plan-gone-wrong can ever take that away.
Although my delivery was nowhere near what I would wish on myself or anyone else, and for a whole day I allowed myself to be sad about how "wrong" it went, I am here to say that it doesn't matter. I was so afraid I wouldn't bond with him because I missed that exact moment he was born but how so completely wrong I was. My son is the most important and most cherished thing in my life. I love him INTENSELY and our bond was immediate and strong. SO strong that it doesn't matter how he was delivered or what went wrong or right. He was born healthy, happy, and is loved by two parents who would do anything in the world for him. I can't explain the love and magic that comes along with being a mommy. It is unlike anything I have ever felt and each day, with each new moment, our bond grows stronger.
Now you may wonder "How in the world does this reassure future mommies???" Well heres how. I hope that maybe some mommies-to-be who read this understand that even if things don't go perfectly, you are still a mommy and that love you share with your child is stronger than any plan. Some people have amazing birth stories and everything goes perfectly. Others, like myself, veer a little off course. :) Either way, we are strong women who have the opportunity to be the best parents possible to our little miracles. I am so blessed to have such a strong community of new moms around me that I can share stories, hardships, laughs, and even tears with. Being a parent is the hardest job I have ever had but it is also the most fulfilling. To all the mommies out there: YOU ROCK!!!
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